Nightmares and Daydreams
by SnapesSlave4lyf
Summary: AU Before the final battle, the trio calls an Order meeting to set up plans. Snape and Hermione have a bit of a drunken encounter, and part ways with talk for a future. Once the battle is over, Severus is taken to Azkaban, before he's even healed from Nagini. What happens next is where our story leads us...
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, it's been a little while since I've posted new material, and I've been a bit busy. This has been floating around my head for ages, so it's time to put it out there. Please let me know if this seems worth committing to flushing out. I need to know if I'm losing my touch or if this story is just crap**

DISCLAIMER: This is not my property, it belongs to JK Rowling, I just paly around with her characters. I make no money from this story.

They knew the battle was coming. Every sign was pointing in that direction. The horcruxes had been reasoned out, bar one, and the trio had plans to take care of them all. With their final tasks lined up and a plan of attack in mind, they sent messages to the core group of the Order to meet at Grimmauld Place. The Weasley's would be there, Molly and Arthur, Fred and George, Bill and Fluer, and Charlie. Of course, Remus and Tonks would be there with Kingsley and Moody, but then came the only point of contention amongst the three.

"Do we send word to Professor Mcgonagall? Or the other teachers? I mean, we know the final battle will likely be there, but what if the Death Eaters find out? It's already risky enough having it at number 12, seeing as Snape knows about it…" Harry said.

"Merlin! That's just what we need, the Greasy Git to show up! You know he'll just tell all his little fanclub buddies all our plans. But the teachers need to know what's going to happen. How can we send a secret message without Snape or the Carrows finding out?" Ron added.

"Boys! That is more than enough." Hermione snapped. Months without proper food or sleep and living in constant fear of discovery and death had definitely not done anything positive for her patience.

"Oh, come on 'Mione?! You know he's the worst one! He killed Dumbledore!" Harry shouted, before jumping in with a raised hand to cut off Hermione's rebuttal. "Yes, I know. You think there was a reason. I know you still think he's on our side, but what evidence is there? Honestly? He's as likely to not show up as he is to come and tell You-Know-Who all our plans."

"Fine. You want evidence? Alright, I'm game." Hermione said, her voice lowering in pitch, while raising its intensity, along with a narrowing of her eyes, as she slowly walked towards the two boys she'd been stuck with for the past too many days to count. "Shall we go alphabetically? By category? Level of importance? Oh posh, let's do this chronologically. First year, he saves you from falling off your broom and to your death. He hunted Quirell and kept him from finding the stone on a nightly basis, even being injured by a BLOODY CERBERUS in the process. Second year, he stood up for you when Filch thought you had been the reason behind the attacks. What was it he said? Oh yes, you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, that's it! Third year, he thought he was protecting you from a MASS MURDERER who had ESCAPED FROM AZKABAN! Then what did he do in response to us all stunning him and throwing him across the room, thus knocking him out cold? Oh yeah, didn't he come to, and find us? That's right! Then he put himself between the three of us AND A GODSDAMNED WEREWOLF! Hmm then fourth year…. What happened fourth year? Oh yes, he backed up your claims to the Minister of Magic himself by showing his Dark Mark. In public. In front of a room full of people. So, when the entire wizarding world was calling you a liar, he rubbed it in Fudge's face that he was categorically wrong. Let's see, fifth year is a touch fuzzy for me, but I believe he protected you from telling Umbitch all our plans and literally saved us all from being thrown to the Ministry. Do you honestly think Snape, of all the paranoid and hyper-prepared people in the world, wouldn't have a stock of Veritaserum? He tried to teach you Occlumency to help protect yourself, which you put absolutely no effort into learning what so ever, then got the message out to everyone in the Order so they could save us from a trap that your lack of occlumency got us into in the first place, thereby saving us all from death or something worse at You-Know-Who's hands. Sixth year, despite the fact that you lot hated him and tried your very hardest not to listen at all, he was the best Defense teacher we ever had. His book also helped you, for the first time ever, to learn potions and realize all the work and experimentation and attention that it entails, purely because you didn't know it was his. Wasn't that also the year that he saved you from becoming a murderer?" At Harry's ashamed but slightly confused face, Hermione added, "Draco Malfoy? Boys room? Rivers of blood? Ringing any bells for you? Meanwhile, he was constantly at Dumbledore's and You-Know-Who's beck and call, constantly being put under the Cruciatus curse, being beaten to within an inch of his life, being a full-time teacher, being hated by everyone, and being forced into an unbreakable vow? So, let me think, is Snape on our side? I believe he is and what bothers me most, what I have a hell of a time trying to wrap my mind around, is how the two of you can be so bloody adamant and determined to hate him and see no good in all he has tried to do for you over the years." Hermione finished speaking, her hands shaking with rage as she collapsed into a dusty, overstuffed chair in the parlor of Grimmauld Place. She took a deep breath, brushing her hair out of her face, before looking up again.

"So…" Ron started, rubbing the back of his neck and looking anywhere but at his friend, his cheeks red with shame and discomfort.

"Alright. Fine. We'll tell him. But that doesn't mean we figured it out yet. The Carrows still can't know. How will we get them the word?" Harry jumped in.

"Leave it to me." Hermine said, a look of determination on her face.

One conversation with a portrait later, Hermione sat back and waited. It didn't take long before Phineus Nigellus was calling her back from his position propped up in front of her chair.

"Alright. The Headmaster is alone in his office, as requested and is ready to take your message. He first asks that you confirm who you are." The grumpy looking Black said.

"Well… umm… the only time he's ever made me cry, was when Draco Malfoy cursed my teeth. His exact words were 'I see no difference'. Will that do? I'm a bit short on sleep at the moment and it's about the best I can give him." Hermione sat back, sinking further into the chair. _Gods, I hope that's enough for him, I can barely remember my name at the moment with all the plans floating around in there._

When the former Headmaster re-entered his frame, his face was serious but opened. "Headmaster Snape has decided to accept that, and in order to confirm himself to you, he says the only O he has ever given you was on 18 inches of parchment entitled 'Glass Cauldrons, the implement of the future'. Is this satisfactory?" He grumbled after the statement. Hermine smiled wistfully as she thought of the paper he had mentioned. It had been a silly idea, but one she had gotten very passionate about. Why wouldn't a potioneer want to use a glass cauldron? There would be no need to worry about the interactions with precious metals and ingredients.

"Certainly. Could you be so kind as to tell him to be here," she gestured to the former headquarters around her, "This evening when he is able? And for him to spread the message to the others as secretly as possible. Please be sure to specify that this is in no way an ambush and if he would rather be a fly on the wall than an active and visual participant, I will understand. Please tell him that this meeting is of the utmost importance." Hermione said, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. Phineus nodded sagely and left the frame. It was a number of minutes later that he came back.

"Well?" Hermione asked hopefully.

"He said he will disseminate your message through the proper channels and wishes me to assure you that he will do his best to be present. Miss Granger, he wanted me to ask you why. Why would you trust him when he says he has given you every reason not to?"

"On the contrary. To the discerning eye, his actions have repeatedly proven his you very much for all your help." Hermione was choking back her tears, the light of hope in her eyes._ This is really going to happen. It will all work out. _The painted man nodded his acquiescence and left the frame for good. Hermione flopped back and blew a breath harshly to push her hair out of her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she stood and went to shower. They were expecting company.

Grimmauld Place was teeming with people. Among the many red-heads, there were a smattering of browns, blonde, and pink, thank you Tonks, but so far, no black hair, save Harry's unruly mop. Hermione rose and quieted the group. Taking a deep breath, she girded herself, preparing for the inevitable backlash.

"Alright. We are expecting one more person, and I have reason to believe he will be here any time, now. I know what you all think of him, but please just let me say my peace before you try to hex me." At the curious glances among each other, she tried to calm the shaking of her fingers, and spoke.

"I have sent word to Headmaster Snape to join us this evening." Everyone erupted in a fit of noise. Ron and Harry both shook their heads at Hermione. What else had she expected? When the fervor did not die down for several minutes, Hermione stood on her chair and yelled.

"OI! SHUT IT, YOU LOT!" When the shocked glances gazed back at her red face, she sat back in the hard-backed chair and continued. "Thank you. I do believe that is exactly what I meant to not do, but I can understand the excitement. Now, I know you disagree with what I have done, but I have something that all of you need to know."

"What could you possibly have to tell us that justifies Snape being told that we are all gathering here? We're sitting bloody ducks!" Moody grumbled loudly, to the sounds of agreement from around the crowded table.

"Professor Dumbledore. I know he left us all cryptic messages and instructions that were about as clear as mud, but he left me his copy of Tales of Beetle the Bard. In that book, he left me two messages. One, I will not be telling you. The other was one of the most intricate arithmancy equations I have ever seen in my life. It took months to work out and covered the entire inside back cover of the book. In that equation was a secret message that was written in regards to Severus Snape's involvement with the Order and his real role in Dumbledore's death." Harry and Ron both looked outraged. In all her years of standing up for Snape, she had never mentioned this to them. They looked betrayed.

"Boys, I didn't tell you for a reason. You shouldn't have needed Dumbledore's word; you should learn to look at people's actions and their motivations separately. And even without that, Dumbledore's word didn't mean fuck all to either of you when he repeatedly told you he trusted Professor Snape. Or any of you, for that matter!" Hermione glanced around the room at the sea of shocked and disbelieving faces.

"I have invited him here tonight so that we may all be better prepared for the end that is coming. We all have our parts to play. So as much as I hate it, Professors," she looked at Mcgonagall, Sprout, Flitwick and Madam Pomphrey, "You must continue to act as despicably as you have been all year. And honestly, I sort of hope that it hurts you to do so. I can only imagine what you all have been putting him through. He was forced into killing the Headmaster, very much against his will, and was again forced to take the Headship of Hogwarts and see how the Carrows have been treating the students. That man has more honor than anyone I've ever known and you all should be ashamed of yourselves." Hermione did her best to look disappointed in the professors and individuals much older than her 20 years. _Thank you, time _turner. From behind her she heard a soft rustling of fabric, her only warning, before his velvet voice spoke.

"Thank you, Miss Granger, for defending my character. However, I do hope there is more point to this evening, other than thoroughly disgracing your elders? No matter how well you are doing it." Snape drawled from her shoulder. She jumped, her chair toppling over, hands covering her mouth. Her eyes rose and met Snape's dark pools. His gaze, as neutral as ever, was cracked ever so slightly by the gratitude in his eyes. He nodded his recognition, and took up his spot in the darkened corner. Her hands went back to her sides and she took a couple deep breaths before jumping into the trio's plans for the end.

It was several hours later that the evening's planning session had dissolved into a somewhat subdued party. Old found bottles of liquor were being passed around, people spoke in small circles about this or that, music was playing as the younger Order members danced. Tonks was doing a very uncoordinated version of the Charleston that no one was likely to forget, much to Fred and George's delight. Harry and Ron were talking amiably with Remus, the older man updating them on his son's latest stages of development and their hopes for his future.

Hermione found herself, empty drink in hand, sitting on the stairs some distance from the rest of the group. Her eyes had a sheen of one too many as she looked at the gathering below her, but she sighed to herself. _One way or another, this will all be over in just a couple more days. Who will be left then?_ Snape sat one step behind her, handing her another drink. She didn't jump this time, merely shifting her eyes towards her newfound companion.

"Miss Granger, I must say, never before have I been so thoroughly supported and defended. I think that is the first time I have ever seen Minerva feeling belittled, rightly so, and by her own favorite cub. Thank you for making the effort." He raised his glass in salute to her and took a drink. She followed

"You deserve far more than me saying a few words. You missed the convincing I had to give Harry and Ron, though. Remind me when this is all over and I'll give you the pensive memory. It was quite fun to see their faces when I talked about how you've backed us up all along." Hermione said, leaning into his leg. He didn't shift away, instead he moved closer, moving down to share the step she was sitting on.

"Be careful, Miss Granger, or someone might start thinking that you like me." His voice rumbled through their touching shoulders, making her shiver. She leaned closer and rested her head on his shoulder, taking in his scent as it surrounded her; touches of leather, herbs, a hint of wood smoke, and the traces of the firewhiskey he'd been drinking.

"And what if they do? It's not as though it would be false?" she said, her tone a little distracted and far-away. Snape turned his head to the top of her curls, his face grinning slightly, his eyes showing interest.

"Oh, really? And just how long have you felt this way? Surely, just since you deciphered the grand manipulator's master plans." He inquired.

"Oh, ages, Professor. I've always respected you, from day one; your intellect, your power, your honor and pride. I've only really fancied you since second year, though that was more a silly girl crush after the whole Lockhart incident. No, I'd have to say I could pin it down to third year." Hermione sighed lazily, as her fingers began to trail down his sleeve.

"The 'knight in shining armor' thing, I suppose. Makes sense; when a man steps in to save the day from a werewolf attack, I imagine it would be difficult not to take notice." He drawled, soaking in the sensation her nails caused as they lightly scraped the fabric of his robes.

"Not just that part. All the stuff you were doing, trying to warn us, not just to oust him, but because he was a possible danger to us. You always tried to protect us, more often than not it was from ourselves and our own stupidity." Hermione said, mesmerized by the texture of the lightest, finely weaved wool. "It's something of a turn-on for me; having a man that looks out for me, always there to help when I need him most. I'm much the same way with people I love; I have to have their backs. I'll always back you up, Severus." She turned, looking up into his eyes, her passion shining through.

"I never gave you the permission to use my name." His hand reached up to push the hair back behind her ear, noting that the texture was silky, with its thick waves and loose curls. _Circe, when had she grown up? Last I recall, her hair was a coarse, frizzy mess and she was straight up and down._ Snape catalogued all the noticeable differences in her outward maturity. _This is most definitely a woman. Soft curves, prominent cheek bones, wise eyes, lush lips. _He shook himself, realizing that he was currently perving on a female that should have been his student still.

"I think we're far past the honorifics now." Hermione replied. Her fingers were continuing their journey up and down his sleeve. She leaned in just a touch, head tilting back to observe his eyes. They dilated and his nostrils flared.

"I suppose we might be… Hermione." His voice caressed every syllable of her name as it slipped from his lips. She shivered, lashes lowering.

"What about you? For how well I know you, I never thought it would be that easy to get you to trust my message enough to come. There must be a reason for that, Severus. Been noticing things you shouldn't have?"

"Perhaps. I apologize that I've never been in a position where I could say so, but you are the most gifted student I have ever taught. They way your mind works, how your thoughts go a kilometer a minute, your dedication to learning. You are a sight to see, my dear. I regret not being able to teach you as much as I would have liked. But as you said earlier, we all have our parts to play." He looked disappointed. _It truly would have been a joy to show her all the amazing things that goes into potion making. It was hard work, with a vast array of knowledge to go with it, but she would have been up to the challenge._

"Maybe you can still make it right." She offered.

"How so, Hermione?" His voice rumbled near her ear.

"This is all about to end. You will be free. We will all be free. We can do anything we want. You can… teach me… however you want." Her eyes glittered, trapping his in their gaze.

"Why wait?" He whispered huskily, before diving in and taking her mouth with his. Her hands dragged along his arms and shoulders, before wrapping around his neck and holding him tightly. He stood on the stairs, raising her in his arms as he walked up the last three, before turning towards the room he used in the house.

As they writhed together, sharing breath, stroking skin moist with sweat and tingling with sensations, they made promises, spoke of the future, shared hopes and dreams. It had been a night of firsts for both, as Hermione confessed to her virginity and Severus shared some of his history while they dozed before starting all over again.

In the morning, he was gone. Back to the cold stone castle, and its towers full of his nightmares, while she went off to prepare for the end of her past and beginning of her future.


	2. Chapter 2

I am so sorry to have taken so long to post another chapter! FYI, I absolutely refuse to abandon projects. If there is one thing I hate, it's getting hooked on a story that will never have a proper ending because it was never completed. That being said, this has been plotted, brainstormed, and story boarded out, so bare with me. That being said, let me know if you are enjoying it or if there are things/people/events/phrases you would like to see, and I will be happy to accommodate as much as I can! Happy reading!

Elise had been appointed to the prison in April of 2002. Her _official_ job was to check in weekly with prisoners who were coming within six months of release or parole hearings, as well as any inmates who were still awaiting trial. Her unofficial job was much more intensive. It was her duty to help in determining if individuals were of sound mind and body, in addition to helping soon-to-be-released individuals with readjusting to being on their own. How she came to this position was important, but what was more important were the things she discovered upon her first visit. She had been warned not to expect much of the inmates. The most human contact they received was their twice weekly showers, when an auror would escort them to an open room, covered in dingy, mildewed tile, for precisely 7 minutes before being escorted back. There was no soap, no towel, and no hot water. In the case of most residents of Azkaban prison, this was likely for the protection of the rest of the wizarding world; but in the case of many small-time offenders or wrongly incarcerated peoples, this was one of the largest detriments to their future rehabitation of the larger wizarding populace.

Elise's first meeting with Severus Snape had been more than eye opening; it had been appalling to see what had come of one of the greatest heroes of the second wizarding war. She had been warned not to expect cleanliness, good spirits, or even observation of social niceties from the man. She had not, however, been warned of the physical state he was in. After being transported bodily, via the _mobilicorpus_ spell, into her office, and summarily dumped onto her couch, he had said very little. _This is not good…_ Elise had thought to herself. _Hermione is going to be pissed!_ Elise decided to do whatever it took to figure out the state of this man's mental and physical well-being by any means necessary, starting with a floo call to Healer Lovegood at St Mungos.

An hour later, after a very disgruntled message to hold all inmates for the day as she met with the former Professor, Elise had found that not only was the tall dark man in ill health, but he had never received any medical treatment while being held in solitary lockup. For some, this may not have been much of an issue, but for a man who had been severely underweight, with magic almost entirely exhausted, and a severe injury from a cursed snake bite before even being taken into custody, this was not good news. It had taken the two women several hours (and many calls, spells, and potions) to put the man to rights, at least as much as could be accomplished in the middle of the sea on a barely inhabited rock.

In her first meeting for which the man was cognizant, Elise ascertained that not only did he have little to no recollection of his four and a half years in lock up, but he also remembered very little of the final days leading up to his incarceration. This included the outcome of the final battle and his involvement in it.

_"So, tell me, good doctor, what exactly am I to say to you? I have no information to give up for either side, so what exactly is the meeting for? I have no gold with which to bribe, nor any confidences I wish to give up. Just have the oaf take me back to that dreaded cell and we can be done with this whole charade. I'd like to be free to at least live out the remainder of my time in this prison on my own terms, which does not involve having the likes of some chit of a girl barely out of school herself picking at my mind!" Severus was in a dark mood. He had been since he had 'woken up' 5 days ago. His pain was immeasurable and his guilt of not knowing what was happening in the outside world, of whether or not he had made any difference in the war, was weighing heavily on him._

_"I am here for a reason, Severus. I am not in any way affiliated with the prison. I'm not even a witch. I was sent here by a mutual friend of ours to do what I can to help you. I know you must have questions, and for our first meeting today, I will do the best I can to answer them. At this point, I don't think it would be best to tell you absolutely everything, as it may be extremely detrimental to your continued mental recovery, but I will tell you what I can." Elise was used to people not wanting help; any profession like hers was littered with those seeking help who refused to help themselves, whatever the reason. She guessed his was likely out of guilt and fear, fear of what exactly, she knew not._

_"Fine. You want me to play, I'll play. What was the outcome of the final battle?" His voice, which she had been told was like warm velvet covered in caramel, was now more similar to gravel and glass in a blender._

_"The light won, Severus. Harry Potter lived to defeat Tom Riddle. What else would you like to know?" She calmly told him. His reaction told her that he was surprised the boy had actually survived, but with what she had been told, she could understand why. "Is there anything else you would like to know?" His face became the picture of serenity._

_"No. I don't believe there is."_

_"You know, you'll be leaving here very soon. That is the reason I am here. It is my job to help you adjust to being out of this prison and being free, which, from what I've been told, is something you've not been for a couple decades now." She tried to hedge this softly, hoping not to elicit a major reaction. Her aim was well off, judging by the flabbergasted look on his face._

_"What the bloody hell do you mean? Why would I be released? I was a Death Eater! I killed Dumbledore! Why would they let me out?!" If he'd had the strength to stand and begin pacing, Elise was sure he would have. As it was, He only managed to raise himself closer to a ramrod straight position on her black leather couch._

_"You will hate me for saying this, but you are being released because you are a hero, Severus." At this he grimaced terribly. "The outcome of the war would not have been so without your involvement. You have inspired quite the squad of warriors who have been fighting on your behalf for the past four and a half years."_

_"If this squad of warriors, as you call them, have been fighting so hard, why am I still here in the first place? When was the trial, anyway? Appeals can take this long, certainly, but if what you say is true, why am I still here?"_

_"The way I understand it, you did not exactly have many fans on the Wizengamot. And as much as they disliked you, they loved Albus even more. It took a very long time for certain corrupt individuals to be removed from office all across the Ministry, to give you the opportunity for a fair trial. In fact, they have only recently agreed to give it."_

_"You're telling me that I was never even tried?! Just simply locked up and thrown aside for over four years before they deigned to give me a trial? They never even healed me!" He was positively fuming, which wasn't something new for him, but may not help the recovery of his memories._

_"Like I said, corruption was vast and far reaching. To be fair, none of your warriors knew you hadn't been healed. None of the updates they received about you warned any of us that you were in such a state." It was getting harder for Elise to remain level headed. He was completely right, what had been done to him was unconscionable, but she was positive that soon enough, the man would be better off than he ever had been in his life._

_"So where do we go from here?" He sighed in resignation, settling back into the couch cushions._

_"You're okay with all this?" Elise was taken aback at his acquiescence and acceptance of his current circumstances._

_"My entire life has been one shit show after another. What's that old saying; same Mandrake, different pot? If what you are saying is true, then soon, my life is likely to be better than it has ever been in the whole of my existence. And if not, well… I am accustomed to being disappointed by life and this will be no different. I have no problem biding my time."_


	3. Chapter 3

Super short update, but I wanted to break it up from the next part. Plus, I just posted last night, so I figured you would be ok with it...

It WOULD be a good day! Hermione was determined to make it so. It had taken four and a half years to get here, but it had all been worth it. Today was the final day of the trial, and she refused to see all their hard work be wasted. Blaise's defense was absolute perfection in its execution. The Wizengamot would have to be blind, deaf, and dumb to not release him with a full pardon. It didn't exactly say good things about the administration preceding Kingsley that the public was completely on board with Severus Snape as a hero, even while he resided in lock-up. It was obvious what they had tried to do. By locking him up immediately and not saying a word about it, it had been a year of steady inquiries before they had even been told where he was. They wanted him to be forgotten. They didn't want him to have a trial. Every step of the way, Hermione fought, tooth and nail, for justice on his behalf. And after her meeting with Elise five months ago, she was out for blood.

_"I don't know how to tell you this, so I'm just going to spit it all out, ok?" She continued at Hermione's nod. "Right. Snape hasn't seen a mediwitch in his whole time there. When they put him in that cell the day after the battle, he was already basically comatose. It was noted that he had traces of antivenin in his system, but it wasn't enough to combat the amount of Nagini in his bloodstream. The wounds had been very superficially healed, likely by himself after a number of hours. I'm pretty sure he did it on his own, because his magic levels were in the tank. Without immediate and corrective treatment, he's lucky he lived. Luna and I did all we could, and he looks considerably better, but it's not good, Hermione. His memories are gone. Not all of them, but he doesn't remember the days before the battle or his part in them. I just… I don't want you to be disappointed when he doesn't remember you the same way you remember him."_

She had cried that day. There had been few occasions where she had cried since the battle. Never at the funerals; she would remain stoic and somber, but she'd never let a tear pass. It had been a brutal war and death had been expected. Never when she was attacked; rogue Death Eaters had tracked her in the months post-battle, but she never gave them the satisfaction. They were always rounded up rather quickly once they came out to attack her. And never when she found out she was pregnant. She had been surprised, but happy. When she _had_ cried was a bit more telling. She cried when she first heard the baby's heartbeat. She had cried when he took his first steps. She had cried with his first word, and the first time he had said 'dunderhead'. Yes, their little boy was the only thing that made her cry, and not because of anything he had done, but because of the fact that his father wasn't there to see it all.

But that was all about to change. Whether he remembered or not, Hermione was determined to help him through the next phase of his life and recovery. With Elise's help, and a couple potions ideas, she had a couple ideas on how to get his mind and body back together.


	4. Chapter 4

I am honestly so sorry to not have posted sooner. As previously stated, I will NEVER abandon a fic. It is the most frustrating thing to experience as a reader, getting hooked on a story only to never have it finish... That being said, I may be slow to update, but I always will. Let me know if I captured the dynamic I was looking for here.

Severus came awake with a start, head pounding and eyes bleary with a hangover. While remaining completely still, he cracked first one, then the second eye and looked at his surroundings. This was not the dungeons of Hogwarts. It wasn't the cell he had occupied in Azkaban. It most definitely was not his childhood home on Spinners End. The walls were painted a warm crème color, the trim a muted turquoise blue. The window to the left of the bed was covered in airy, off-white curtains, and there was plush looking carpet. The bed he was tucked into held him with the fluffiness of clouds and comfort of the warmest hug he had ever gotten; it reminded him of Madam Pomphrey's embrace after his arm had been heeled from a prank by the Marauders. He listened beyond the walls of the room, catching small sounds here and there. Downstairs, someone was cooking breakfast, a woman. He could hear bacon sizzling and the whistle of a kettle boiling, as she sang something softly under her breath. His head continued pounding as he righted himself from the bed and struggled over to the en suite loo. He looked down, only now realizing how he was dressed, or rather not. _Please, Merlin, let there be clothes in that closet!_ His wand was left, thankfully, on the bedside table. Once he was dressed, he explored his memories of the day before.

After being released from Azkaban, he had been lost. There was no one there to greet him, not that he had expected any different; a man in his position didn't exactly have many friends in the world, but with all Elise had been telling him, he figured that _someone_ would have come to help him out. His wand had been restored to him with little fanfare, and after a final look at the dreaded rock behind him, he apparated to the Hogs Head Inn. It didn't matter if there was a vacancy or not, he had very little coin to his name at the moment, anyway. There wouldn't be enough to cover a room, but considering his stay in Azkaban and its enforced sobriety, there was more than enough to get him properly pissed. This plan was one he commenced immediately. No one bothered him. No one spoke to him at all. His acquisition of the bar stool went by unnoticed aside from the bottle placed in front of him. After the third drink, his memories jumbled a bit. After the fifth, they disappeared.

Making his way very carefully down the stairs, being sure to use his new, and much needed, cane with his wand in his free hand. He picked his way down step by step, taking in each part of his surroundings. The smells and sounds became more pronounced the closer he came to what he assumed was the kitchen, the feminine voice becoming more and more clear. Whoever she was, she had likely saved him from at least some embarrassment and humiliation and as such deserved a proper thanks. He approached the entrance to the kitchen, just now seeing the muggle appliances and the back of the woman. Her hair was familiar; smoothed honey curls caught up in a messy bun, sitting slightly askew on her head. She was quite petit, with an hourglass figure that was at once arresting in her dressing gown and night clothes. He stood there, leaning against the wall a moment, taking in the peacefulness of the moment as she sang quietly to herself, before clearing his throat.

"Oh Gods! You scared the pants off of me, Severus!" The woman said, clutching a hand to her chest. Her robe opened slightly, revealing a vest with no bra and men's boxer shorts over lean, well-toned legs with just a touch extra padding in her thighs. He caught himself, shaking the distraction away, and looked back to her face.

"Miss Granger?! What in Circe's name am I doing here?" He said, voice a soft rumble, like hearing thunder from miles away.

"Well, I should think you're smart enough to figure that one out," She said, turning back to the stove and removing the skillet from the burner. "Have a seat at the table through there, Severus. There's tea already out. Breakfast will be along shortly. I also took the liberty of setting a hangover draught by your cup. Thought you might appreciate it today." She busied herself with getting plates together and he made his way slowly to the table. This was like an episode of that show his father watched on the telly, the Twilight Zone. Everything was so surreal, a part of him wondered if he was still in Azkaban and his mind had finally gone.

When he sat at the artfully distressed barnwood table, he looked around, noticing the layout of the downstairs. From his seat at the table, he could see what was likely the living room with its brown micro suede couch and ottoman. There were a few book shelves lining one wall, though most of those books looked of little consequence. _Miss Granger must keep a study for the rest of her library. Circe knows she likely has enough material for it._ Looking closer, he saw pictures on a few surfaces, but most of them were hung on the walls. He could see that most of them were of children, likely her friends', as he had yet to see any evidence of a child of her own; there were no toys lying about, no highchair or booster seat, and more importantly, no child. Before he could look any closer at the frames in attempt to identifying the offspring and/or parents they sprung from, she arrived with breakfast on a tray.

"Here we are. Pancakes, toast with butter and marmalade, bacon, eggs, tomatoes, beans, and tea. Should go a long way to helping your stomach soak up the alcohol, but don't go too overboard; Azkaban doesn't feed well from what I hear." Truth be told, Severus couldn't remember the last time he'd had an English Fry up. His mouth was watering with the smells as he loaded his plate down. He didn't care if he ended up sick as a crup, this was too good to go to waste. It wasn't until he had eaten almost half of his seconds, that she finally spoke.

"I'm sorry about yesterday, Severus. We had no idea when they were releasing you. Since they didn't allow for you to be involved in the trial, it was up to their discretion when you would be released. I had been waiting for word so I could be there to get you, but I wasn't notified until after you had already left." Her gaze went from her the bottom of her teacup to his eyes, and back down again. She looked slightly distressed.

"Miss Granger, it was not your responsibility to escort me from prison. And though I appreciate the gesture, I am not in need of your help. I am a grown man and can take adequate care of myself." His tone was not anywhere near as gentle as he had wanted, but some habits were hard to break.

"Let's get something straight here, _Severus_," she said, stressing his name. Her sharpness made him look up from his empty plate. "First, we are no longer teacher and student, so will you please desist with the _Miss Granger_ nonsense? Second, I was not saying any of that because I don't think you can care for yourself; I was saying it because I wanted to be able to make your transition a bit smoother and easier on you. Third, it's probably best to tell you now that you will be staying with me here for a little while. This is not because you have to, or are being forced to. It is purely because I don't believe you have anywhere else to go." She waited a moment and watched him take it all in. His face registered shock at her repeated familiarity, then confusion at her desire to help, before settling into disbelief. She continued.

"Elise is… something of a friend of mine. She's a squib psychiatrist that I went to after the war. She helped me work through my PTSD and grief and guilt and, once we found out that you were alive and in Azkaban, I thought she could help you. I have been made aware of your physical and mental recovery and have found a course of treatment that I think would be incredibly beneficial to you. Elise and I both agree that to be on your own right now would be detrimental to your success. There is a lot that you still don't remember and the world out there has changed very much from the one you knew before. To go out there without being prepared would be a very big shock to your system. I want to slowly introduce you to things so that you have a better chance to adjust before you are bombarded by press or fans."

"Fans, Miss Gr- Hermione?" His correction, though late, was noted through his confusion.

"Yes, fans. You are a hero, Severus. We'll get to that later. First, I want you to tell me what you remember last before the battle." With a lazy flick of her wrist, she had banished the empty dishes to the kitchen sink, refilled the teapot, and summoned a notebook and ball point pen. He decided that he liked this version of Miss Granger. Hermione, as it turned out, had backbone in addition to her caring and genius. He decided to take her at her word.

"Well, I have been told that it was a few days before the battle took place, but I remember overseeing detentions the Carrows had given out. That day there were something like… 50 students with detention. As the school charter says no more than eight per professor when it comes to discipline, and I had to save as many as possible, I had sent some to all the order members, Hagrid, Minerva, Filius, Septima, and Aurora, then took the last ten for myself. The downside was that, then there were no teachers for patrols. I spent the entire evening helping Poppy with the fallout in the hospital wing. I fell into bed around four in the morning and can't remember anything after that until I 'woke up' in prison."

"Right. So that leaves us with a window of…. Approximately 60 hours before Nagini bit you that you can't remember. I have no wish to inflict the memories of Azkaban on you, but the rest… Well, let's just say, you'll really be wanting those back," she said with an heir of finality.

"Can't you just tell me what happened?" His frustration and irritation were creeping into the edges of his voice before he could temper himself with a deep breath.

"I don't really think so. At least, not yet. I don't know all of it, so if what I do know doesn't jog your memory, you'll only be more upset that you're missing pieces, not to mention that my accounts of those days will be a bit different from yours. Plus, if hearing small pieces doesn't help bring it back, you'll only be trying to pull specific things from your mind that I tell you happened, which will pull your focus. But I will tell you what I can about things that did not involve you. This will, hopefully, help relieve your stress about the outcome somewhat. It may take your mind off things. Is that agreeable?" She looked genuinely concerned and dedicated. It was a very interesting feeling, having this woman at bat for him.

"That would be agreeable, yes."

"Well, two days after your last memory, Harry, Ron and I broke into Hogwarts. We came in through a secret tunnel from Honeydukes…"

"That is the wildest story I've ever heard, Hermione," He said, leaning back in his chair and taking a sip of his tea. "Surely, you don't expect me to believe all that codswallop."

"It is the complete truth. I swear it. I'll take an oath if you want definitive proof." She offered. He shook his head and held up his hand before she could swirl her wand.

"Unnecessary. I'll take your word. So, what has happened since then? Why have you of all people been saddled with me instead of someone else? Don't think I'm not grateful, I am, truly. But I don't understand how a young woman with such prospects for her future has become stuck with her greasy git of a former professor." Something was there, just there on the tip of his tongue and at the edge of his brain. He knew why it was her, and when she looked up at him like that, with her eyes full of…. Something he couldn't quite name, it was even closer. For some reason he just couldn't access it.

"Well, I won't tell you exactly why It's me. Suffice it to say, the reason is tied to your missing days, Severus. But since the war ended, I have dabbled in a few things, I suppose you could say. Created a couple spells, crafted some really popular potions, at least among my friends they are, and written a couple books." She tried to downplay her accomplishments valiantly, but he saw right through it.

"You've done all that? Great Gods, woman, it's been less than five years!" He was shocked, but his reaction had her taken aback. "What were the potions, if you don't mind my asking?" He sat back, intrigued. She looked just a bit nervous for his reaction.

"Well, they're a pair of potions, more or less. I created them and the spells to be combined. Basically, they help same-sex couples of either gender to have their own biological children. It was awfully received by the public at first, but it has very quickly made me a very well-off woman. I don't really ever need to work again if I don't like to." She shrugged as if it was all rather inconsequential.

"That must have made some very big waves among the purebloods." Her eyes cringed, then turned laughingly at him.

"Initially, yes. But once they all realized it wasn't a trick and the blood matches were true, same-sex couples of all blood status began to pop up. Apparently, the Ministry had been playing with the idea for a marriage law due to the death toll and its implications for a prosperous wizarding world, but after my potions came out, there was a huge boom in divorces, followed quite swiftly by marriages and babies." She looked more than satisfied with herself. "People are happy, some for the first time in generations. I don't really care about the overall atmosphere or my reception with the public nearly as much as the idea that I made some people's dreams come true. I know more than one couple, personally, who would never have been able to marry because of the way their families' inheritance clauses and grimoires were written in regards to having a true biological heir. They are now living very happily and have their own biological children."

"That is…. Remarkable. How is it made?" He leaned forward with his elbows resting on the table, his teacup forgotten on the saucer in front of him.

"It was a lot simpler than I thought it would be. When they came to me for help, I formulated a basic outline of what areas to research for possibilities. Polyjuice was the first one on the list to play around with, and as luck would have it, it worked. I used muggle biology to separate strands of DNA, and isolated the genes for sex in each parent, then changed the gender of the samples with a tweak on Polyjuice. The samples are implanted in women without any additional intervention, and the biological child is created. Men were a bit trickier, though. I had to use the spells much more there, for obvious reasons. The spellwork is a bit complex and intricate, but I create a uterus in the male that is being implanted. The hardest part wasn't putting one in, it was much tougher finding the correct ways to set it up to be able to feed and gain blood and nutrients from the host parent. It wasn't all that difficult. Complicated, yes. Hard work? Not so much." Her eyes were bright as she walked him through the basic process. It was as though she had never had someone who would truly appreciate the work that had gone in to this endeavor until now. Perhaps she hadn't, but that spark… It made Severus remember just why he had always steered clear of Miss Granger in her sixth year.

"Fascinating. And who were the pioneering couples?" His eyebrow rose with the question, waiting for conformation on the couple his brain had plucked out of memories long passed.

"The first were Harry and Draco." She said it levelly, no hint of malice or recrimination behind her words. "They're something of a power couple now. Harry is an auror, one of the best, and Draco runs a very successful foundation that funds a lot of the post-war work that has been done across the UK. They have been married for three years and have two adorable little boys. Scorpius is a year and a half, and James is nine months old. Both of them look just like the fathers that carried them." She had a bright smile on her face. It was easy to see how happy she was with this development; his only question was…

"How?" He looked dumbfounded.

"Well, after everything was over, I sat the boys down for a serious talk. I can't tell you everything we discussed; again, the memories come into play. But we all sat down for what my mum would call a 'coming to Jesus meeting'. I told Ron that I wasn't interested in him as anything more than a friend. He took it surprisingly well. I told Harry that he needed to come out. He took it far less well." Her grimace belayed the emotions of the memory. "I told him I had known for years, to which he said 'well, why didn't you bother telling me?' Evidently, he hadn't really thought about it, what with all the war and death threats and all. I told him he should go after Draco. He threw a fit, left, and didn't contact me for two weeks. I later found out that he had taken my advice during that time and when he came back, he was holding Draco's hand. They've been together ever since." She looked smug, as she had every right to be, judging by the outcome.

"Well done. And how did poor little Mister Weasley handle things?" Severus surprised himself with his own curiosity.

"He went on a little bender, drank himself silly, threw himself to the hordes of fangirls and got a bit lost for a couple months. When he resurfaced, he told me about his spiraling, and also how he woke up in a bed he didn't remember next to a woman he didn't know. He was sobering up at a café down the road when a woman came up to him, berated him for his behavior since the final battle, and took him home to clean him up. They will have been married for three years, come December." She looked smug once again, and he had to wonder why. He raised a quizzical eyebrow and waited. "Ron and Pansy have four children. Cassiopeia and Carina are the oldest at two, and Ulric and Rowan are one." She sat back, crossing her arms, which only served to push his attention to her unrestrained bosom. He shook his head, trying to focus back on her face, when he realized what she had said.

"Wait, Parkinson? What?"

"Yep. Apparently, they have very similar ideals when it comes to family, and once they had a knock-down, drag out fight and cleared the air, they got hitched and started shagging like bunnies. Two sets of twins are a lot, but they actually manage it quite well. Pansy and Draco are some of my best friends now. It didn't take long for all of us to realize that we were just children in a war. The children of Death Eaters were taught things from birth that they quickly realized were outlandish and ridiculous. Like I said, the world out there is a very different place than the one you left."

"I'm beginning to see that, Hermione. So, what of these books you've written? Fiction? Or some unnecessary textbook of regurgitated information?" His eyebrow rose with accusation.

"Neither, actually. The first was an official account of the first and second wizarding wars. I spent a lot of time working through my own issues and Elise thought it may be beneficial to talk to some other survivors. The idea sort of just sprouted up after talking to some of the older generations that had fought before. It was very well received." She was very casual in how she addressed the topic. He thought she was avoiding something and fully intended to find out exactly what that something was.

"And the second?"

"Well, the second…. It was about you; about your life and all the things you were forced to endure. I was having a very bad time of it for a while after everything was said and done, for a multitude of reasons, and I spent quite a bit of time thinking about all the horrors you had to face. I sat down at my laptop one day after a session with Elise, and the first six chapters just… poured out of me. That book was one of the biggest aids in my recovery." Her eyes were downcast. She was most definitely hiding something. The odds, though, of him learning what it was seemed very slim.

As he looked at her, hunching over the tabletop, all he wanted to do was gather her in his arms and comfort her, but he felt as though he had no right to feel that way. He may have been grateful for all she had done for him, but that didn't mean he was allowed to take that much of an interest in her life. _Come on, old man! Calm yourself. This woman may have been featured nightly in your less than acceptable dreams toward the end, but that doesn't mean any of it is real! She would never want to be saddled with a decrepit git that can barely even walk, let alone care for her._ He cleared his throat.

"I want to thank you. For all you've done for me. It truly is appreciated. I may not understand why you are doing it, but I am grateful, none the less." He rumbled, his hand stretching the length of the table to cover hers. She looked up into his eyes and… snippets of memory came unbidden.

_Glossy curls, running between his fingers as a delicate hand trailed through his chest hair._

_Hermione's petite form writhing above him, her voice caught on a moan._

_Tiny, soft hands clutching his own callused fingers above her curly head, as they rocked together, creating a symphony all their own._

_Confessions of long kept feelings, finally being exposed to the light._

_Reciprocation?_

Severus shook his head, drawing his hand back sharply. Did he dare question her about the thoughts in his head? Surely, they couldn't be real memories? They more than likely were the products of dreams long passed, things he had held onto in the worst of the war, weren't they?


	5. Chapter 5

**For starters, i am so incredibly sorry that it has taken me so long to post again! Fall semester seriously destroyed my creative mind, my time, and my focus. But like I say in my profile and in my every day life, I will NOT abandon a story, ever! So here's another chapter. I hope to post a bit more before Winter semester comes to call and takes up all my resources once again. Any input on how I'm doing, on anything you would like to see, or any ideas, please hit me up in a PM. Thank you, my lovelies.**

Severus' eyes had glossed over, his brows drawn together in confusion. Hermione looked deeply into his eyes, trying to discern just what was happening in his mind.

"Severus? What's happened? Are you well?" She queried. He jerked his eyes to hers from there spot on the wall, and sat up straighter.

"Huh- what? Oh, yes. Quite alright. I just…" His voice trailed off, the confused expression returning with a strong dose of question in his eyes.

"What? What just happened?" She asked, as he leaned across the table, fingers outstretched, and he ran them through the piece of curls that had escaped her sloppy bun. She shivered, her eyes closing as she struggled not to lean into his hand.

"Soft and glossy," he said, sounding almost hypnotized.

"What?" She asked, dazed and muddled.

"I feel as though I have gotten a few bits of memory back, but I can't be sure that it isn't just fantasy." He fairly whispered his explanation, afraid of what she might think of his thoughts.

"And these… bits of memory… they had to do with my hair?" She choked out after clearing her throat.

"Yes." He stated plainly. _Oh Gods, don't do it! Don't tell her what you saw! There's no possible way any of it was real! It must have just been the last fantasy you used when you were wanking, there is no earthy way it actually took place!_ He cleared his throat, glanced at the table and back up to her face. "Never mind. I'm sure it was just some nonsense. No need to worry." His voice had become gruff by the end. Hermione looked at him closely, recognizing the signs immediately for what they were: fear and denial. He had seen part of their night together and thought it wasn't real.

"Severus, I need to know what you saw. Because there is every possibility that whatever it was, actually happened, which could change a great many things for u… I mean for you." She had to be careful not to give things away. He couldn't be told about something unless he was beginning to actually remember it himself, or all his progress could be for naught. There existed a possibility that he wouldn't gain those memories back, but there was just as much possibility that forcing the memories would put his mind over the edge, in which case, he would be better served by the staff in the Janus Thickey ward at Mungo's.

"Erm, no, I'm sure it was nothing, Hermione. No need to examine it more closely, just a bit of fluff in my mind, I'm certain." He did his best to brush off her questions without showing his hand, but he was becoming noticeably defensive of the subject.

"Severus, I'm going to ask that you be completely honest with me. I will try to make this as easy as I can for you, so I'm going to ask you yes and no questions, alright?" Her tone had become a bit more straightforward, almost clinical. She thought it may help.

"Alright." He sounded nearly unsure of where this would be going, but afraid nonetheless.

"Was this memory of the two of us?"

"Yes."

"In this memory, were we addressing each other in a familiar way?" She couldn't just limit this to using each other's names, as there had been a number of endearments before the night had been over.

"Yes." He was becoming slightly more confident in his answers.

"Could you tell where we were? Was it a place you recognized?"

"Yes, it was at Order Headquarters, which is why I'm sure it was nothing. It couldn't be real, as I'm sure neither of us were there leading up to the final battle." He was almost flippant in the dismissal, at least on the surface.

"Were we clothed, Severus?" Her voice had lowered and become husky as she asked this last question. His head jerked up from the tabletop to collide with her sultry gaze.

"Yes," he whispered, barely audible.

"What would you say if I told you that we were at Order Headquarters two days before the final battle?"

"Oh my Merlin-" She almost hadn't heard him. His face seemed to simultaneously pale and blush.

"And, what if I were to tell you that we both had enough to drink that we made some confessions to each other that we had held back for quite a while?" He held her gaze, offering a barely perceptible nod of acknowledgement.

"And that perhaps, after those confessions, we may have spent a very… pleasurable evening entertaining each other?" He looked nearly ready to faint, when she lay herself across the table, putting her hands on either side of his face, and kissing him. Her lips were a soft caress at first, almost tickling, before he responded by deepening the kiss with one hand sifting through her hair and one at her cheek. Their breathing became labored before she pulled back and looked into his eyes.

"Hello, Love." She said, a small tear escaping her eye, as her lips raised into a watery smile.

"Hello, Pet," he ran his finger through her greatly disheveled hair, before he lost patience and removed the band keeping it in place. "Gods, I didn't even know how much I missed you." She shuddered at his words, closing her eyes and leaning into his palm.

"There's so much you need to know, Severus. So much has happened that you need to know, but I don't know if I should really tell you. I'm not sure what would happen if you weren't ready for it." She chewed on her bottom lip as she righted herself in the hard-backed chair.

"How about I ask some questions? You can answer yes or no." his eyes were hopeful, while his tone was all business.

"Okay." She wiped at her eyes delicately, before turning her focus solely on him.

"Has there been anyone el-"

"No! Gods, no, Severus. I told you I loved you that night. You were my first. There wasn't anyone else, ever. Nor will there ever be. You're it." She looked lovingly into his eyes, before something popped into her head. _Well, I suppose we'll just have to see how this goes… Gods, please be happy…_ "However, there is a man in my life. Though, I think, at least I hope, you'll be happy about it."

His chest compressed and the blood rushed in his ears. _How can there be a man in her life when I'm supposedly 'it' for her? Gods, rejection is the fucking bollocks no matter how or how old!_

"And how is that possible? Are you dating someone?" His voice was starting to rise, and his eyes said he was starting to put up his walls again. Hermione jumped in to correct him.

"No! No, Love. It's a bit more than that. I'm not seeing anyone and I have no interest to, but let's just say, there was a reason that I couldn't forget you."

"Did you take lessons from Albus? Could that answer have been any more cryptic?" He was officially being defensive, he knew, but he hadn't been around people for a long time, not to mention he hadn't handled them well before Azkaban in the first place. But, before Hermione could defend herself, the fire in the living room hearth went green.

"I'm so sorry, Hermione dear, but Sebastian forgot his blanket and his cauldron and positively refused to nap without them. I'm so sorry to interrupt dear." Molly Weasley said, arms full of a squirming boy who looked all of two years old. Severus felt the color fall from his face and the anger leave his stance. He stood somewhat abruptly, the chair-legs scraping the floor as he did so, which caused the boy to immediately desist his struggle and stare at him.

Severus' eyes went wide as he took in the straight black hair and dark eyes of the pale toddler; hair, eyes, and skin tone that were incredibly similar to his own. The boy cocked his head to the side and took in the tall and somewhat foreboding man in front of him, before he uttered, "Daddy?"

There came a dull thud, as Severus promptly fainted back into his chair.


	6. Chapter 6

**So, fall semester has ended, finally. My mental health is not where I really need it to be, and inspiration and motivation have not been meeting up the way I would like them to. None of that is your fault, lovely readers. Coronavirus be damned, here is another chapter. Please let me know if it sucks... in a productive way though.**

Everything was black. There seemed to be nothing but a cacophony of noises that almost made sense; voices that sounded nearly familiar, and the cry of a child. He could almost feel the child's hands on his cheeks as he cried. But all he saw was black. As he began to slowly realize that he wasn't seeing black, but merely the inside of his eyelids, something slowly clicked into place.

_Gods, Severus! It's so good. Oh, yes love! Yes!_

_I've loved you for so long, admired and respected you even longer. We will make it through these next days, and when we do, I'll be waiting._

_When I look to the future, I see us married, living in a little country house with a lab in the basement, and a greenhouse out back. Our land rolls out as far as the eye can see. I see a library with deep, cushioned window seats that we can curl up in together. The perfect reading nook. I see our children, a boy and a girl, playing without a care in the world. I feel your chest against my back and your arms around me, as we sit reading and watching the children play, knowing that they are safe in a way we never were._

_Sebastian. That will be the boy's name. And for the girl..._

Severus snapped back to reality, his eyes opening as he sat up, looking nearly frantic as his eyes sought out Hermione's.

"Saoirse. The girl was to be named Saoirse. Freedom." He uttered softly, looking to her eyes for confirmation. When she choked back a sob, and began frantically nodding, he drew her deeply into his arms, rocking them back and forth awkwardly, as his leg protested.

"I remember it. I remember it all, pet." He babbled the same sentence over and over, as he allowed a few tears to roll into her hair. He could feel the wetness soaking into his shirt from her own waterworks, and after some time, he looked up.

There sat his little boy, cross legged, with a thumb in his mouth and a slightly worried expression on his face. He crawled closer, and with his free hand, wiped the few tears from Severus' face.

"Daddy okay? Daddy sad?" He whispered. Severus felt a certain tightness in his chest, as he covered his son's hand on his cheek with his own.

"Daddy's fine, Sebastian. Daddy's just remembered some things and..." He faltered unsure of how to explain things to the child.

"Sebastian, you know how when you get frustrated or overwhelmed, you cry? Daddy was just overwhelmed, that's all. Those were some very happy tears. Everything is fine, my love. Would you like to come say hi?" Thank the Gods for Hermione. Sebastian nodded and crawled into his father's lap, his thumb still in his mouth, and laid his head down on Severus' chest, breathing deeply and falling, almost instantly, asleep.

"The poor dear. It's a bit past his naptime and I'm sure this whole thing has just tired him right out. I'll just take him back with me, and you two can just let me know when to bring him round." Severus had forgotten Molly was still there, but when he looked up at her, he shook his head.

"I thank you, Molly, for the offer, and for the obvious care you give to him, but I think for today, I'd like to just hold... my... My son." He said in a hushed whisper, looking back down at the small bundle laying across his chest. The boy had one hand by his face, as he sucked firmly on his thumb, and the other nearer to his cheek, his fist full of Severus' shirt. His tiny body rose and fell with his sleepy breaths and Severus held him closely, leaning forward to inhale his little boy smell and place gentle kisses into his hair. Molly nodded her head, and went back to the floo, with an offer for any help they might need.

He looked to Hermione after a moment, asking, "Could you help me get up and into a bed? I don't trust my leg to get there with him safely without some assistance."

"Of course, love." She stood up, placing a featherweight charm on Sebastian, and a stabilizing charm on Severus' legs. She stepped back, watching for any signs of uncertainty, then once they were up and looking confident, she led Severus into her bedroom.

"This isn't precisely the circumstance under which I wanted to get you in my bed, but it's the only one in the house big enough for us all." She said softly, pulling back the duvet and helping her boys to get situated. Severus climbed up onto the king-sized mattress, and felt both him and his son snuggle deeply into the soft jersey knit of the sheets.

They lay with the small body of their son between their chests, his tiny fingers still clutching Severus' shirt front. Severus extended his left arm across the pillow to meet Hermione's, their fingers dancing together, eyes connected.

"How old is he, then? 3?" He whispered to her.

"He'll be four on Valentine's. He's growing so quickly, Severus. I can't tell you how often I have wished you could see him grow and learn new things." Her eyes were beginning to glisten in the low light of her room.

"I would very much appreciate any photos you might have of him." He rumbled, his voice slightly hoarse.

"I know we didn't plan for children for a while yet, but I can't tell you how happy I was when I realized. I'm not ashamed to admit I went just a bit overboard with pictures. He must think he's some kind of celebrity or something with the way I act like such a paparazzo." She lightly giggled at herself.

"It must have been terrifying, finding out that you were pregnant so young, and right after the battle."

"Honestly, I didn't even recognize it for months. Things were… rough for a while afterwards. The world had fallen apart, everywhere you went you could see the destruction of the war. Buildings had to be torn down and condemned, Hogwarts required major rebuilds that lasted for months. So many people I knew and loved had died. I thought you had died. It was a very trying time, very stressful. I was struggling so much with my grief that a missed period, or 4, never even registered. I figured the throwing up, lack of appetite, exhaustion was all from dealing with things. When I fainted at Hogwarts one day, helping to repair some of the damaged corridors, Minerva sent me to Poppy, and low and behold, I'm up the duff. It was quite a shock."

"I would imagine so. How did Poppy and Minerva react?"

"Oh, they both tried to push Ron and myself into a shotgun hand fasting before I started to show. When we informed them that he was not the father, nor was he in the running, they seemed so confused."

"There has been a betting pool sine your fourth year on whether or not, and when, you and Weasley would get together. Apparently, I should be waiting for my winnings." He replied smugly.

"Hm. I'll let Minerva know you want it transferred to your Gringotts account." She smiled.

"I was terrified, but I was also over the moon. Here, I had a piece of you, a piece of us, when I thought you were gone forever. It was like realizing that this small life could be there with me every day to remind me that none of it was in my head. To remind me that there was an amazing, passionate, brilliant man who had loved me deeply. Once I found out, I couldn't stop smiling."

"That can't be completely true. You must have at least hated me during the birth." He said, cocking a half-smile.

"Not really. We had started to receive intelligence that you may not have been dead, so there was a new hope brewing up for us all. Draco and I were actually at the Ministry the day I went into labor trying to get some information. We were talking to the higher ups that would have handled the paperwork for Azkaban admittance, and he was being remarkably difficult and refusing to give us straight answers, when my waters broke. All over his very expensive, very limited edition, Italian Elf-made Basilisk boots."

"Oh Merlin, no." He smiled at the image in his mind. Sebastian snuffled slightly in his sleep, his grip now relaxed, though his fingers stayed twined in his father's shirt.

"He seemed to think that would be the end of things, but when I kept pushing for answers after the fact, even through a few contractions, he realized how serious we were."

"I would imagine so. Did he answer your questions?"

"Not that day, no. Looking back, I think it was mostly a power move on his art, not allowing a laboring woman to get the better of him. But when I brought Sebastian home from hospital two days later, there was a very thin envelope of information waiting for me. It was enough of a start."

"Who was with you? I hate the idea of missing something so incredible, but the thought of you being alone through it eats a hole in my stomach." Her hand gripped his more solidly, pulling his attention back to her eyes.

"I was never alone. Not for one single moment of my pregnancy, his birth, or the years since. From the moment I found out I was expecting, I made sure that the people in my life knew about the circumstances and would be there to support me no matter what. I had no compunctions telling people that their opinions were unnecessary and unwarranted. I always had support. That day, Draco took me to Mungo's, Harry, Ron, Luna, and Molly Weasley helped coach me through. Well, mostly Molly and Luna; the boys were no help at all. Ginny was our first houseguest after we went home. She felt bad for having missed the excitement while she was at an away game in Ireland and couldn't make it, so she stayed for about a week to help me. Then it was Molly, then Luna. All the women in my life have taken it in turns to help us out when it was needed. Minerva watches Sebastian every Saturday. Molly watches him for a few hours most weekdays if I have a project I'm working on. "

"It sounds as though you have things very well in hand." He seemed more grateful than disappointed, but the latter was still there.

"Severus, there was no way I could have given him the love and care he needed if I hadn't had the help. It's not needed quite so much anymore. I have a much better handle on things now than I did then, I don't work near as much because I don't need to, and I'm in a much better place psychologically than I was then. I have you back, along with your treatment and recovery to worry about now, so that is where my focus will shift to. Just because things are being handled, doesn't mean that it is an ideal situation. Sebastian needs his father, Severus. You are not optional. You are not someone that I expect to send him off with once a week for a few hours. No one can take your duties. You are very much needed in this family, my love." He swallowed around the knot in his throat to relieve the pressure before answering.

"He seemed to know who I was. Was it a lucky guess, or does he know me?" His voice held no recriminations, only curiosity and a need for clarity.

"I have never hidden his father from him. When he was a baby, I made him this mobile for above his crib. It had cauldrons and potion vials, and pictures of you. There are pictures of you in every room in the house. Some of them a bit serious or somewhat scary, but they are all you. When he started talking and understanding things, he would ask about his daddy. I told him stories about his brave and courageous father, fighting off the bad man from inside his own organization. I told him how brilliant his father is, all the potions he has created, things that he taught. Sebastian kisses a photo of you in his room every evening before bed and tells you good night. Sometimes, I hear him in there, when he's playing and I'm trying to clean up or cook or something. He talks to you, tells you about his day, or things he likes, or stories he's heard of you." At this, Hermione heard him choke slightly on his tears. Her free hand reached over to smooth his silky black hair from his face, and cupped his cheek.

"Thank you. Thank you for my miracle, Hermione."

"And thank you for mine. Both of them."


End file.
